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Not So Great Expectations

What kind of a world do we live in where someone would steal Santa’s pants?  Even the naughty list is too good for a bum like that.  I think we need to invent a whole new category called the “Don’t Mess With Santa” list.  Forget the lump of coal.  At this point Santa should just show up at the guilty party’s house and confiscate home electronics. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

Christmas Inside the Box

When my cousin Ted was a kid, he really wanted an Atari for Christmas, but instead his dad wrapped up a box of bricks.  Ted was sure he knew what was inside, but when he tore into it, he discovered nothing but bricks and crumpled up newspaper.  After he’d cried for a couple of hours, they brought out the Atari, played some Pac Man, and all was forgiven.  

You can divide the way people wrap presents into two different camps.  You have the traditionalists who wrap everything in the original package it came in.  Then you have the sneaky, underhanded types, who love to put gifts inside other boxes just so you won’t guess what it is.   You also have gift-baggers and gift-carders, who will not even be included in this discussion, because, c’mon, everyone knows what’s in their presents. 

Boxes.  Mystery.  Surprises.  That’s the magical lure of Christmas presents, right?   It’s all about answering the question, “What’s in the box?”

The Shape of Christmas

My mom makes the best Christmas cookies on the planet. Nothing fancy, just straight up sugar cookies with vanilla frosting, but they are amazing. Every year since I was a kid, we would plan a special day to make a huge batch of cookies for our entire family, that is, of course, unless we ate them all first. We call it Cookie Day, and it’s one of the best days of the year. For the past five years, my oldest daughter Emma has been in on the action too, but last year, she gave us a gift that put the day in a whole new light.

No Room In the Inn

Most people wouldn't go to the beach during a hurricane, but I'm from Indiana.  What do I know about hurricanes?  My wife and I were on our way home from Disney about five years ago when we decided to make a detour and check out the beach in Destin.  We'd had friends who had vacationed there for years and were always raving about it.   So, we thought while we were in Florida we might as well stop by for a couple of days. 

Yes, the Weather Channel had been droning on all week about some tropical storm down in the Caribbean.  And yes, they had just upgraded it to a hurricane.  And yes, it was supposed to hit the Gulf coast.  But c'mon, it was like three days away.  Surely we could get in a little fun in the sun, right?   

Up On the Rooftop

I don’t care if it was two weeks before Christmas, no one wants some lunatic stomping on their roof in the middle of the night.  No one except kids, I guess.  But there were no kids where I lived at the time.  I shared a house with seven other guys in college, and sure, we’d had drunken strangers pass out on our porch before, but we’d never had anyone actually on top of the house.