The Life Less Traveled Has Moved

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The Ride of Your Life

You ever have one of those defining moments in your life?  You know the ones I’m talking about.  The ones where you’re facing some huge, insurmountable challenge, and you have to decide, am I going to go for it and take down Goliath?  Or am I going to run away like a scared little girl?

I used to have an unreasonable fear of heights, and every year, when my family would take our annual trip to King’s Island, I would have to decide if this was going to be the year I would conquer it.  And every year, I would come home utterly defeated.

But then I got a free pass through my middle school years.  I suspect we stayed home those years because my parents knew I would just sissy out when it came to the big rides.  What’s the point in spending all of that money and driving to Cincinnati, just to watch your son eat cotton candy? 

So, throughout junior high I got to lay low and pretend my acrophobia didn’t exist.  Then in the summer of 1987, the summer I turned fifteen, King’s Island introduced its first new roller coaster in years, the Vortex. 

From the moment I saw the TV commercial that featured a monstrous, robotic hand twisting metal coaster track in its grip, I knew my time had arrived.  The Vortex would be the altar where I would sacrifice my fear of heights. 

Losing Your Marbles?

There’s nothing like an element of danger to do wonders for your prayer life.  Put most of us in a risky situation, and suddenly we’re praying like Billy Graham.  Take my friend Jenn for instance.   She serves as a small group leader for elementary boys. Can you imagine any more dangerous profession?

A few months ago, she got a lesson that sent her straight to her knees.   She opened her e-mail to see that the lesson required marbles.  Marbles!  She had led these boys long enough to know that they could weaponize anything.   Like miniature McGyvers they could transform the most common objects into implements of disaster. 

So, Jenn bowed her head and prayed a common mother’s prayer, “Lord, please keep them from throwing marbles at each other or getting them stuck in their noses.”

If ever someone needed an answer to prayer, this was the time.   Sunday rolled around and she was still nervous. 

When she sat down with her boys, though, she relaxed as she handed out the marbles and saw how excited they were to receive their toy. 

She told them firmly, “Do not throw these marbles or stick them in your noses.”  Seemed clear enough, right?  Unfortunately, she did not mention other body parts.  Then she made the mistake of glancing down in her supply basket to pull out her remaining supplies.

She forgot the first rule of children’s ministry.  Never take your eyes off of elementary boys.

“Look, Miss Jenn,” one boy said.  “I put it in my ear.”  Rats.  She hadn’t said anything about their ears. 

Once again she gave them a stern warning.  “Do not put the marbles in your ears.”  By this time several boys had to take their marbles out of their ears just to hear her.  She realized she hadn’t prayed at all about their ears.   Oh well, now she had things under control, and they could move on with their lesson.

Just as she was about to continue, a small quiet boy named Colin approached her and looked up with his big, blue eyes. “Um, Miss Jenn,” he said.

“Yes, Colin?”

“I put my marble in my pants, and I can’t find it.”

She hadn’t prayed about that possibility either.   She laughed to herself and told Colin to stand up and try to shake the marble down his pant leg.  He shook and shimmied and wiggled, but still no marble.  So Jenn took the cuff of his leg and tried to shake it out herself.  Nothing.

While she was in mid-shake, Colin looked down at her and said, “Yeah . . . I think I may have lost it in my underpants.”

All she could think was that it was good thing they got to take those marbles home.

Sometimes when I pray, God answers with a spectacular “yes,” solving my problem or supplying my need.  Other times, He tells me plainly, “no” or “wait,” just as I frequently have to tell my own children.  Then there are the times when He doesn’t seem to answer at all, times when He feels distant and maddeningly silent.  In those seasons I can get bitter or simply choose to wait and trust, knowing that I can count on God’s character.  

But my favorite times are the times I pray and God answers with the unexpected, the ridiculous, the hilarious, the adventure that gives me great stories to make me smile later down the road.  Some days when life is so hectic and I feel like I’m losing my marbles I think of Colin and pray a little that God won’t just give me what I ask for but what I truly need.

My Perfect Facebook Life

Social media is an awesome way to connect with all kinds of people, but when it comes to your online persona, just how honest are you?

For my take on this, check out my article, "My Perfect Facebook Life," just published online in Southern Indiana Living Magazine. 

Also, don't miss the sidebar,"What If Real Life Were Like Facebook?"  Thanks to my Facebook Friends for all of your awesome ideas. 

Print version hits the stands in a couple of days.

Too Good To Be True

Last fall my wife and I began house-shopping, hoping to get into something affordable while interest rates were low.  We looked at several homes but couldn’t find anything in our price range until one day our realtor stumbled onto a bank foreclosure. 

One glance inside and we fell in love.  It had to be the nicest looking foreclosure anyone had ever seen.  The front door opened to a two-story living room with a stone fireplace that went floor to ceiling.  Everywhere we looked we found cool touches like a window seat in the master bedroom and a Jack and Jill bathroom that would connect our girls’ rooms upstairs.  To top it all off, the bank had given it a fresh coat of paint and replaced all of the carpet. 

I couldn’t believe we were going to get into a house considerably larger than ours for almost the same house payment.  It seemed too good to be true.

Then we had the home inspection.  Not good. 

A Beautiful Mess

One Saturday morning last fall my 2 year-old daughter Kate bounced up to me and tugged on my shirt to get my attention.

"What is it, Babe?"  I asked.

"Wa-wa. Mess," she said.

Hmm.  I didn't think much about it because she's always playing in the bathroom sink, splashing water all over the counter and herself. Little did I know that she'd taken things to a whole new level.

About an hour later I went to get my laptop, the precious laptop that I use for all of my writing projects. What I saw sent shivers down my spine.  Water and lots of it.

An ominous pool seeped out from underneath the computer. An empty glass lay on its side nearby. Though I'm no detective, I began to suspect I wouldn't like where this trail of clues was leading me.

God of the Blank Page

At the end of last December, I faced an early deadline for this column because of the New Year’s holiday.  I was fried from a week of travel and celebration and did not feel like getting up early to write. But a deadline is a deadline, so I dragged my groggy self out of bed and fired up the laptop.

Nothing. I had nothing to say.

I’d been writing holiday-themed pieces for the past few months, milking Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas for all they were worth. I thought I would wrap it up with a New Year’s column, but I didn’t have a real idea.

All I had was an empty Word document and a ticking clock.

Judgment Day

I’d just settled into my comfy chair with my laptop when the middle-aged women sitting nearby wrecked my concentration.  Why do the chatty people always sit by me in coffee shops?   I tried to tune them out.  I really did.  After all, I had a column to write, but the woman driving the conversation spoke with such fervor I couldn’t ignore her.  I don’t know her name, but I’ll call her Judy.                 

“She drives me crazy,” Judy said to her companion.  “She’s always making derogatory comments about people.  As soon as someone walks away, she says something hateful.  She acts like she’s always right.  What’s that about?” 

Clearly she was talking about someone both women knew, and Judy had had it.   For the next forty-five minutes, Judy unloaded on the poor lady who had joined her for coffee.  I’m not even sure Judy took a breath as she enumerated the evils of this mysterious third party one-by-one. 

By the end, I was pretty much convinced Judy’s enemy must have been the anti-Christ because, according to Judy, she was responsible for all the world’s problems, my favorite being that she talked about people behind their backs.  Um, Judy, what did you just spend the last hour doing?  Hello?  Irony?  Anybody have some irony out there? 

The Official Guide to Magic Moments

I was so excited about our trip to Walt Disney World that as soon as we’d scheduled it, I ran right out and bought a travel guide to help me plan our trip.  I’d never been to Disney so I wanted to make the most of every second we were there.  When you go to the bookstore, though, you’ll find about five million guidebooks to the Disney parks, official, unofficial and everything in between.  I think it took more time to pick the book than we actually spent at the Magic Kingdom.

But, finally, my diligent search paid off.  I found a guidebook that had this incredible touring schedule that would allow me take advantage of traffic patterns and hit the attractions in just the right order to wait in the shortest lines.   It was a masterpiece of efficiency. 

Unlike the uneducated masses, I now had in my possession valuable insider information that would maximize every precious minute in Orlando. 

Life Lessons from Twitter

I'm embarrassed to admit this to you, but I've just started tweeting.  For those of you who are into Twitter, I'm embarrassed because it's taken me so long to get started.  For everyone else out there, I'm just embarrassed to be a grown man using the word tweet.

If you're as clueless as I was about Twitter, here's the lowdown.  Twitter is a social network that allows you to post 140 character messages, or tweets, about whatever you want.  It's like Facebook for people with ADD.

New Year's Revolution

We’re two weeks into 2011, which means that by now many of us feel like big, fat failures.   Fourteen days is plenty of time to blow whatever New Year’s resolutions we might have made.  Get that spending under control.  No more junk food.  Run ten miles a day.  Abs of steel! 

I found several on-line statistics that put the success rate of New Year’s resolutions somewhere around ten per cent.  Maybe my resolution should be to stop reading depressing things on the internet. 

I’ve personally given up on the idea of making significant New Year’s Resolutions.  I only do silly ones now, one of which I’ll share with you in a few weeks.  I’ve broken too many promises to myself over the years to put much stock in my determined resolve. 

That Sinking Feeling

It doesn’t take much to sink a boat.  All you need is a hole and some water.  Speaking from experience, I can tell you the rest will take care of itself.

One summer, while on vacation at my in-laws’ cabin in the Smoky Mountains, I sneaked out at dawn for a covert kayak ride.   It was covert because if my wife woke up, she would have made me go shopping at an outlet mall, but I had no time for that.  I had a date with the untamed wilderness.   You see, a few years back I had fished this particular red kayak out of the rain-swollen river, a fact my in-laws had conveniently forgotten.   Now they thought of it as their kayak.  I had never even had the chance to take it for a ride, but all that was about to change.

It started beautifully.  I shoved off, sliding effortlessly into the current, swept away by the power of the mountain stream.  I floated along, drinking in the serenity of the morning, watching the banks come to life with rabbits and squirrels.  A beaver swam past me, its mouth stuffed with branches, and it scampered out on a log to add another wing to his house.    

After thirty of the most relaxing minutes of my life, I figured I’d better head back before Christy called in the park rangers to track me down.   Outlet shopping waits on no man.   When I tried to turn the kayak around, though, I realized something was wrong.  It was hard to paddle, really hard.   And was it just my imagination or was the water creeping up on the edge of my boat?  This was not a good sign. 

I knew if I didn’t take action fast, I’d go down with my ship.  I wasn’t exactly Leonardo DiCaprio clinging to the wreckage of the Titanic, but I did not want to sink this boat.    How would I explain it to my in-laws?  I’d be the laughing stock of every holiday.  Boat Boy.  Captain Stubing.   Davey Jones.  I’d never live it down. 

So I hopped into the icy  river and dragged the kayak to the bank where I discovered it had taken on so much water I could barely haul it out of the stream.  Once I’d managed to wrestle it to shore, I flipped it over, drained the water and found the big, fat hole under its belly.  If I’d gone another ten minutes downstream, it would have been submarine city for sure.

Ever get that sinking feeling in your day-to-day life?  At first glance everything seems to be going great, but then subtle signs creep in, warning of trouble ahead.  You’re generally an honest person but you find yourself telling “little white lies” to avoid conflict.  You start each morning dreading your day.  Your job feels harder than it used to.  Everything feels harder.  Then, when you get home from work, your patience wears thin with your family. 

Our lives are like my river adventure.  We can cruise along completely oblivious to the fact that we might have some major problems below the surface of everyday life.  In the short term life looks fine, but underneath, we’re taking on water and headed for a slow, inevitable disaster.

The Bible says that the purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but those who have insight draw them out.  The problem is that most of us never stop long enough to check out what’s really going on in our hearts.  Most of our lives are so full of activity that we just keep going until it’s too late. 

The affair.  The addiction.  The ugly fight.     

So many shipwrecked lives could be avoided if only we’d take the time to stop and ask God to show us what’s going on in our hearts.  Why am I so angry all the time?  Why am I anxious?  Why does this temptation look appealing?  Where is this negative attitude coming from?  

When we come to Him, God patiently reveals the leaks, the holes that only He can repair.   God longs to provide us with health for our souls.   He wants to mend the cracks in our hearts, the wounds, the regrets, the mistakes.  He wants to make us seaworthy for the journey ahead.

So today if have that sinking feeling, that things in your life just aren’t right, stop, pull ashore and ask God to help you find the leaks.  It’s not hard to sink a boat, but it’s even easier to sink a life.  Thankfully, though, we have a Master Craftsman who loves us, who knows how we are made and can make us whole again.